Have you ever thought about picking up a handsome stranger who shows up at your church picnic? No, not a handsome stranger who’s visiting his dear aunt who goes to your church, just some dude who is staring you down at the park (in the dead of fall when it is way too cold to be having a picnic).
If you said “yes,” you haven’t seen Gospel of Deceit, a Lifetime movie from 2006. Within the first 15 minutes of the movie, a successful preacher and his wife have met a leather- and jean-jacketed young man, played softball with him, invited him to dinner, hired him on as their “handyman,” and given him the keys to their church so he can sleep in the basement. What could go wrong?
EVERYTHING, of course. The preacher’s wife, Emily, soon finds herself having dreams about the sexy stranger (not surprising, because she goes to bed wearing a silk nightie, way too titillating for a non-slut on Lifetime). And who could blame her for having impure thoughts? Once he’s installed as their handyman, he’s always doing manly things like fixing her car, and even though none of the trees have leaves and you can see the actors’ breath, he takes off his tight black t-shirt to wipe the imaginary sweat from his six-pack abs.
If this isn’t enough to convince you he’s a sexy handyman of doom, you should know that he’s played by Corey Sevier. A spitting image of Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Corey also starred in the Lifetime classic Student Seduction as the student who tries to seduce — then tells everyone he was seduced by — his science teacher, played by Elizabeth Berkley. (Yes, he was also Timmy in the Animal Planet version of The New Lassie, which scandalously used aFrench-Canadian Lassie.) The object of Corey’s obsession in Gospel of Deceit, Alexandra Paul, is also a Lifetime movie veteran, known for her unwavering portrayal of annoying, yet determined moms who know nothing about their children’s lives in such teen-gone-wrong movies as The Boy She Met Online and Betrayed at 17. It’s so refreshing to see her break free from her usual Lifetime movie role and instead play a stereotypical Lifetime woman with an asshole husband who doesn’t understand her!
Maybe it’s because he’s a preacher, but Ted, Emily’s husband, is especially good at being an asshole. Emily is trying to help him with his new TV career, but he hates her meddling into his business matters. While Emily gets belittled by Ted, Corey continues to saunter around in jeans and a solid color T-shirt, and to make Emily even hornier, her quilting circle keeps gossiping about him. So she goes to the church in the middle of the night — yes, the one Corey lives in — to pray that she’ll stop having dreams about getting dry-humped in her nightie on the living room floor.